by William Beaver, editor

      I'm not running for President in 2008, (actually I'm undecided), but here's my solution for rapidly improving the United States. Every person whose parents and grandparents were born in America has to leave, at least for awhile. Grandparents who came via Ellis Island don't count. If you're a first or second generation immigre, you can stay. I know what you're thinking, so before you label me a fascist or worse, let me explain.

     Having spent nearly a quarter of my life abroad, I am totally convinced that enjoying life, and my country, demands perspective. Life has a funny way of teaching you relativity, but if you've never left our national borders for longer than a summer vacation, odds are you could use a cultural coffee klatsch.

     A favorite complaint of American comedians is the eternal wait at the department of motor vehicles. Just to be clear, I've been in countries where getting your driver's license before the next full moon was reason for celebration. In America, it may take a couple of hours, but at least you finish the same day.

      If you think worrying about speed traps is reason to abolish law enforcement, try living in parts of the world where the police don't do their jobs at all. Can you imagine traffic anarchy. Trust me, you don't want it. That's the downside of anarchy. Just when you warm up to the idea of doing anything you want, the other guy reminds you that no rules for you means no rules for anyone. Say good bye to your nerves and major parts of your brand new car.

      I wasn't going to get started on the right to vote, especially when more than half of us who are eligible don't seem to care. But having lived in places ready to fight for the right to put a round hole in a square box, maybe I should.

     Harping about why we should be patriotic isn't the point. Being proud of everything America offers its citizens doesn't count. What matters, especially for those of us who live outside the United States, is that like it or not, we represent our country, and that for which it stands.

     Every American expatriate has probably been told by someone that America sucks, and since we're Americans, so do we. On the other hand, most of us have probably been given a break or two simply because of our blue passport with the eagle on the cover. And those of us who have lived in certain parts of the world have received the Embassy telephone call warning us that we may have to leave in a hurry. Why? Not because we're black or white, but because we're Americans, and someone has decided they want us dead. Again. Oh, and be sure to check your car for bombs before you hurry to the airport.

     Inconvenience is matter of perspective, and so is being an American living abroad. We may not present our credentials to heads of state, but those of us living overseas do influence the day to day relationships between our country and others. Maybe diplomatic immunity should be extended to all of us. Imagine that: expatriate anarchy. I bet even with a choice, we'd still end up fighting for the chance to stand in line at the DMV.